The One Month Anniversary
People complain about public bathrooms - a lot - and I mean a lot . I don’t share these views, in fact, I don’t understand why people complain about them so much. Every time I enter a public bathroom to engage in my business I see it as an opportunity for both learning and adventure . I mean, I just don’t get it, every time I enter that poorly constructed plastic stall I start thinking that I’m on some sort of unsanitary Disney ride . I try to make a game out of it. Will the rusted sink work? Will this station be out of paper towel, inconveniencing the drying of my hands? Are there crabs living on the seat? Will the toilet just up and explode all over my trousers? I feel like mothafuckin’ Indiana Jones up in that shit.
And that’s absolutely true. I don’t have a problem with public bathrooms. The problem I do have, however, is that I feel compelled to write about it. I don’t know how the fuck I’ve been able to type up an original essay every week for a month now, but I think it has to do with that paragraph above (about the bathroom) that I felt compelled to write. I seem to find adventures that I feel I need to recount in the most mundane things possible. Every week for about a month now I’ve been doing this… you know, logging on, listening to the Fight Club soundtrack and typing about God knows what . If people aren’t tired of my random pseudo-pop culture existentialist banter then I have serious doubts for the fate of mankind.
I am, however, very happy that people understand and enjoy all the stuff I’m talking about and don’t take my sarcasm seriously. Except the women. They should stay in the kitchen. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for women empowerment : Women can be empowered to do my laundry. They can be empowered to bake me a pie. They can even be empowered to make me a sandwich or dance around in sexy French maid lingerie saying “I am le sexy. Oh you make me so le horny sir.” But they shouldn’t have the right to use the internet. Everyone else that reads this though (Horses and Males, I’m looking at you) are A-OK!
Anyway, thanks for reading, happy one month! Also: I’m looking for a girlfriend, feel free to apply here as long as you don’t have an STD or any major form of education.
Filed under: Personal Entry, Season 1, Supplemental