Fuck Rosie O’Donell.
I am well read scholar. I maintain a 4.0 GPA at Columbia College Chicago where I recklessly fraternize with two legged vixen women whom are blood thirsty for yours truly in the sack.
However, as of late I have been diminished to a mere Puppy Walker.
Yes it’s true, I’ve had the mundane experience of walking my new puppy out in the yard every morning so that it could take an epic shit. Now, I know that while most of you would find this activity adorable and perhaps even fun, I cannot share that sentiment. There is something about this puppy’s asshole that I just don’t trust , maybe that it keeps winking at me before it is going to take a shit. Or maybe it’s because it stretches to unthinkable proportions while depositing its very own puppy sludge.
While gazing into this miniature bowel movement my thoughts turned to Donald Trump. Not because Donald Trump has the facial and personable characteristics to that of a puppy’s asshole, but rather, his ongoing feud with Rosie O’Donnell.
Some of you may have heard of her: She played the whale in Free Willy. The song Baby Balooga by Raffi was written about her. Rosie O’Donnell is a hilarious and beautiful asset to humanity which is simply irreplaceable.
I wonder why then, that she was fired from The View. Is it that people simply cannot fathom and intake her cutting edge , tell it like it is, liberal commentary? Perhaps it is her hilarious impressions of the Chinese Race or Her Commentary on why 9/11 was a Global Conspiracy instigated via George Bush, Tony Blair, and the chipmunks known as Alvan, Simon, and Theodore. Perhaps it was the use of her amazing gypsy powers to predict Anna Nicole Smith’s death the day it happened. Who knows. All that we can know as a society is that within her layers of blubber there is an intelligence that exceeds that of a normal woman and dormant telekinetic abilities.
Or perhaps it was because every day when Rosie O’Donell went live on The View it was like staring into a gigantic puppy asshole while it collectively dumped the sludge of it’s subconscious onto the unwitting American Public.
Perhaps these assholes, too cutting edge and too intelligent for a typical conservative should be confined to some sort of subterranean prison until the day when the American Public is finally ready, and they can be set free to teach us all.
Hm, now that I think about it: Maybe that’s the reason Mrs. O’Donell has been removed from The View. Perhaps America was tired of being the dog walker when all the dog did was take epic shits.
Also, the dog was fat and ugly and needed to get cancer.
Also, who the fuck watches The View anyway? It’s kind of like watching several over sized, slimy, cartoon cunts just flapping and making sloppy noises. Gross.
Filed under: Pop Culture Ramblings, Season 1