the pop culture ramblings of a lunatic.
Supplemental
At World’s End
Jun 2nd
I remember watching a BBC Documentary entitled ‘Guys and Dolls.’ It was a one hour special looking into the lives of various societal misfits and their life sized doll collections. How can I explain this? These men , they buy life sized, anatomically correct (Working Vagina? Check. Firm rubber breasts? Check.) dolls and live with them. One of them was a twenty-two year old kid living in his parents basement that spent the majority of his days talking to an inanimate doll. It was some sad shit.
But I guess it worked for them. And if it works for them, should I really be emitting so much pity and apathy toward them?
I’m starting to feel that way toward the new Pirates movie. Can someone please tell me what the appeal behind this series is? Can someone tell me why it’s so fucking funny that Johnny Depp plays a mildly retarded, tourette ridden pirate captain that walks like an effeminate brain-damaged gay man ? Yes, I get it . He is sashaying his hands from side to side. That method of walking is uncommon and strange. A+ America, you are enjoying some seriously hilarious shit.
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Broke, Penniless, and Confused on the Merits of Anime Porn
May 13th
[Editors Note: I'm gonna do things backwards this week. First the Supplemental to the essay and then, later this week, the essay itself. Does that make any sense? Nope! BTW I give this weeks update a 6/10]
I never imagined that I would be completely and utterly broke. I mean sure, the hypothetical situation always existed in the furthest depths of my mind, but I never contemplated it as a reality. I can’t even afford a rimjob from a Taiwanese prostitute.
I don’t want to sound like Jeff Foxworthy but, you know you’re broke when you feel agonizing guilt for splurging a dollar on Big Buck Hunter 2006: CALL OF THE WILD (A game where you hold a plastic orange shot gun and shoot deer IN THE FACE) at your local pub. I felt that today. Seriously, why does my bank account read -$13.00? Is that a good thing? I like to pretend it is.
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Michigan Must Die
May 10th
I’m finally done with schooling. To celebrate, I spent $100+ to help my friend Jessica move into her new apartment in Michigan. Let me tell you before I go any further: Never go to Michigan. It is the place where dreams go to be brutally beaten to a bloody, gory death and die. I’m pretty sure the landscape is fertilized with dead puppies and that the greatest thing to do there on a Friday night is the occasional cosmic bowling which, for Michiganites, is of epic proportions.
In fact, I’m deeming Michigan the first "Retirement Community State." Michigan wants you! Your senile, your boring, your retarded. The entire state is powered on depression and exports boredom by the truckload.
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Supplemental #6.5: No Time For An Update
May 3rd
So it’s finals week. No supplemental. Need sleep. Need summer. Going to explode. Gotta run. No time for supplementals, you already know how much I love me my Tyra.
Editor’s Note: The Dangerous Mind of Dan Luke will be back with brand spanking new content nexxxxt week folks!
The One Month Anniversary
Apr 27th
People complain about public bathrooms – a lot – and I mean a lot . I don’t share these views, in fact, I don’t understand why people complain about them so much. Every time I enter a public bathroom to engage in my business I see it as an opportunity for both learning and adventure . I mean, I just don’t get it, every time I enter that poorly constructed plastic stall I start thinking that I’m on some sort of unsanitary Disney ride . I try to make a game out of it. Will the rusted sink work? Will this station be out of paper towel, inconveniencing the drying of my hands? Are there crabs living on the seat? Will the toilet just up and explode all over my trousers? I feel like mothafuckin’ Indiana Jones up in that shit.
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