the pop culture ramblings of a lunatic.
Archive for April, 2007
The One Month Anniversary
Apr 27th
People complain about public bathrooms – a lot – and I mean a lot . I don’t share these views, in fact, I don’t understand why people complain about them so much. Every time I enter a public bathroom to engage in my business I see it as an opportunity for both learning and adventure . I mean, I just don’t get it, every time I enter that poorly constructed plastic stall I start thinking that I’m on some sort of unsanitary Disney ride . I try to make a game out of it. Will the rusted sink work? Will this station be out of paper towel, inconveniencing the drying of my hands? Are there crabs living on the seat? Will the toilet just up and explode all over my trousers? I feel like mothafuckin’ Indiana Jones up in that shit.
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On the Subject of Emo Modeling Pictures
Apr 26th
My friend got back with her ex-boyfriend the other day. She told me about it over a full plate of Sushi at an expensive pseudo-Asian restaurant in the South Loop.
“How’s it going?” I asked.
“Let’s not talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That sounds real good.”
There isn’t any better response to “I heard you got back with your ex, how’s it going?” than “I don’t want to talk about it.” How else can you explain the impending doom of a relationship?
“It’s going wonderful! It’s going so well that I don’t even want to talk about it ever! “
“The sex is uber-fabulous! He tends to my lady nether regions with a delicate and passionate finesse , and it’s so mind blowing that I want to forget that it ever happened and pretend that he is dead! “
Then again, I am a cynical bastard that never had a relationship that lasted longer than twenty minutes and involved a girl that was relatively sane. Still, I never understood what the point of getting back together with an ex was if y’know… it was already broken once. If you bought a car and found out that it tended to violently explode and spew car parts all over the road, would you go out and buy the exact same car again (In the hypothetical reality that you survive the explosion)? I wouldn’t, I haven’t, and I never will.
I think one of the other reasons I don’t have many relationships is due to the fact that there are so many misconceptions about me. Yes, most of what you heard is very true: I am mind blowingly smart, I am quite the handsome devil, and I smell like daisies, at least thats what my Mother tells me. But I am also very open minded and sensitive, I love flowers and Pandas . But sometimes there are things about me that come out that just don’t seem like Dan Luke , such as the following pictures:
So it Goes.
Apr 17th
Find a subject you care about and which you in your heart feel others should care about. It is this genuine caring, and not your games with language, which will be the most compelling and seductive element in your style.
-Kurt Vonnegut
I have always been a man of contradictions. While it is true that I chop lumber and wrestle bears during the day, only to be tended to by fine young virgin maidens who feed me grapes at night, I am also a deeply conflicted and frequently emotional person.
No, I’m not saying that I cry, whimper, and kick my tiny Asian legs comically about like a little girl. I am saying that I have always yearned to just be myself, but I also have always wanted to be accepted.
On Addictions and the INTARWEB
Apr 15th
Addictions are a strange thing. The field for addiction is both wide and vast in it’s endless glory. There are the always hilarious Heroin Addicts, the cutters that just love settling down with a knife, a cup of whiskey, and a My Chemical Romance album for a lovely night of self loathing as well as the slicing and dicing of their wrists until they can feel the sadness being emptied from their veins (I CUT MYSELF TO FEEL MAN). There are the Jews, who just love to sit down with a calculator and Unleavened Flat Bread as they calculate their taxes. And then there are people like me, addicted to all things relating to the Internet.
What’s my primary addiction? Facebook. Oh yes, those of you who know me in real life (or the glorious realms of the INTARWEB) know of my extravagant need to constantly update my status, girlshop for a potential wife, and take part in the always applicable facebook photo op.
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The Fall of Dan Luke
Apr 12th
My nostrils keep rocketing out this green jelly and my head keeps throbbing. But all and all I am in good spirits. This is not saying that the past few days have been good, they haven’t… Rather, they have been an arduous collection of sickness, failure, and self loathing.
You see, in person I have a very cool demeanor, mostly because I have really cool blue sunglasses, but alas those mad-wicked shades cannot hide the inner feelings of my soul. It’s times like this that I like to refer back to a poem a girl wrote in her AIM profile freshman year:
HEY!!…ur bored arent you…y do people send “shout outs”…who cares who ur friends wit…
im a fool
i hate school
dont copy what i do
even tho its fun and u wanna too
Drink beer and smoke bud
dont b such a fuckin dud
have a party get some play
just dont do wht i do or say!
if you no whts up
dont b a suckup
So follow my madow
its like winnin the lotto
A friend with weed
is a friend indeed
life sucks
so toke up
so have fun
this gay poem thing is doneKristina~