…. He slew all the house of Baasha; he left him not one that pisseth against a wall….”(I Kings 16:11)

I’ll start this off with a list of things that I currently love: Whenever Paulie Walnuts beats the fuck out of someone on The Sopranos, taking a shit while smoking a cigarette and then tossing that very same cigarette in the toilet to get that burnt pube smell . I love masturbating. I love sitting alone in my apartment in my underwear shopping for girls on Facebook and then picturing the hypothetical future we could have together in our two story white suburban home with our fourteen children : Sam, Eric, Tim, Sarah, Superfly, Carson, McSally, Ladypants, Sitting Rock, Mister Mom, Wilber, and Fish-eye Larry. I love masturbating and then shopping for girls on Facebook and then masturbating again.

That’s what I love now, but it certainly is not what I once loved . Believe it or not, before the pornography addiction, and the smoking, and the drinking, and the drugs, and the various pre-marital carnal delights, I used to have one love in the world… God.

So where did this love begin to unravel? Where did Johnny-Uber-Conservative Christian turn into a perverse Holden Caulfield on crack? To answer that question I have to travel back into the furthest depths of my mind… all the way back to bible camp.
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