the pop culture ramblings of a lunatic.
Posts tagged Michael Bay
THE MICHAEL PHELPS MOVIE
Sep 29th
America is caught up in Michael Phelps mania lately. Michael Phelps is the new black, or whatever it is all the hipster kids are saying. All of us here at The Dangerous Mind of Dan Luke have been keeping up with the Michael Phelps coverage and saw this next step to be inevitable. So, without further to do we introduce to you our new film project: PHELPS: The Incredible True Story
PHELPS: The Incredible True Story chronicles the rise and fall of the most awkward looking and least charismatic athlete in American history. Starring Jeff Bridges, Uma Thurman, and Academy Award winner Adrien Brody as Michael Phelps. The biopic will show both the hardships of a young Michael Phelps as he battles the horrific and life crippling Attention Deficit Disorder as well as his legendary performance at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games where he made swimming marginally tolerable.
PHELPS: The Incredible True Story will teach Americans to cherish those with better genetics and the backing of large conglomerate corporations, rather than those who strive to achieve the American dream through hard work and sacrifice. Written by Dan Luke and directed by Ridley Scott with a tentative 2010 release date.
Special Thanks to my roommate Joe Marcello for the Adrien Brody suggestion (I originally said Matthew Broderick) and Frank Romano III for his wonderful Photoshop work.
Fuck Michael Bay.
Nov 4th
Dark shadows with deep blue hues. The visual aesthetic is so dramatic, so raw, so urban, so street, so gritty, so unrelenting.
It’s beautiful, but at the same time – it looks like the interior of a mother fucking Russian submarine.
These dark shadows and their deep blue hues are cast upon flaming motorcycles as they jump over the rolling trailers of semi-trucks, that erupt into inexplicably bright explosions as helicopters flail wildly about in a downward descent toward all of the chaos. Large, burly men leap over debris and surf on top of the renegade sparking cars as they’re pushed further and further down the freeway on a tidal wave of fire and chaos. All in dark shadows with deep blue hues.
Welcome to style over substance, indulgence before art, stylistic bastardization if you will. Welcome to the world of Michael Bay, where a camera must pan, dolly, or truck in each and every shot. Where the story to special effect ratio is collectively cluster fucked and the dialog was written with crayons by a retarded fifth grader.
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