I’m finally done with schooling. To celebrate, I spent $100+ to help my friend Jessica move into her new apartment in Michigan. Let me tell you before I go any further: Never go to Michigan. It is the place where dreams go to be brutally beaten to a bloody, gory death and die. I’m pretty sure the landscape is fertilized with dead puppies and that the greatest thing to do there on a Friday night is the occasional cosmic bowling which, for Michiganites, is of epic proportions.

In fact, I’m deeming Michigan the first "Retirement Community State." Michigan wants you! Your senile, your boring, your retarded. The entire state is powered on depression and exports boredom by the truckload.
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